The following is based on true events upon my arrival in South Carolina Friday evening. Note: It's not a secret I love the 'cue. A few national sportswriters walk into a barbecue venue in South Carolina.
They order family style: brisket, pulled pork, ribs, fried okra, jalapeno grits, Brunswick stew, sweet potato crunch, cobbler and sweet tea by the gallon.
Fans approach the table asking for a few Johnny Manziels.
I am instructed by one barbecue-loving sportswriter to use the vinegar ‘cue on the pulled pork. Delightful.
Shake hands with Dwayne Allen. Whisper to the nice gentleman beside me, “Who is that?”
Ignore everything because the pulled-pork would knock the socks off of every pork aficionado in the history of such things.
Whisper words of thankfulness I’m wearing a stretchy sundress.
Continue eating fried okra.
Roll out of said barbecue venue similarly to Violet in Willy Wonka.
Live happily ever after.